Monday, January 31, 2005


I am so grown up.

I just paid my deposit and signed the first part of my lease for my new apartment.

I am so grown up.

And it is absolutely amazing. 2 bedrooms, 2 bath, with den. New floors. New fluffy blue-grey carpet. New paint. New fridge. New stove. Spacious rooms. Interesting planked ceiling that makes the room a little nautical.

I move in at the beginning of July.

This is really the only joy right now in my overworked, joyless life.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Mind blowing.

I just explained what oral sex was to my grandmother.

Grams: I was watchin' this progrum on younguns havin' sex. And they said that kids as young as 13 were havin' sex and that if they weren't havin' sex they was havin' oral sex. I don't even know that that is!
Stevi: Really?
Grams: Well, no, honey, I don't know about things like that. Do you know what it is?
Stevi: Yeah, Grandma. It's when you pleasure your partner with your mouth . . . instead of your . . . vagina.
Grams: Really? That's what that is? You'd put your mouth down there? My God, I can't even imagine doing that.

Previously, we had been talking about preserves.

Stevi: Grandma, I can't believe I just had a conversation about oral sex with you. Weren't we just talking about preserves? How did we go from preserves to oral sex?
Grams: Well, they're both sticky!

Grandma is so on top of her game.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Of little importance.

Recent Developments:

  • Old people backed into my car yesterday, and let me tell you, the old are just as untrustworthy as anyone else. They insist that the nice new bumper-exposing dent in the back of my car was not possibly made by them--despite how fucking hard their huge Oldsmobile may have smacked my car, also despite the fact that the would be backing up on a downward slope, they insist their bumper is too high to hit where it hit. Whatever. They will die soon. And I know that I was a Good Person. I also know they are assholes because they did not even go to check out my car when they hit it, nor did they leave me a note. I repeat that they will die soon. And I am the Bigger Man, though the Sicilian in me wishes them 4 flat tires in the middle of a crowded intersection.
  • Vagilogue time draws near. I have so much shit to print.
  • Overabundance of work, mere pittance of sleep.
  • I hate Ezra Pound. I thought I liked him, but then I read some of the Cantos and decided that, not only is he a total fascist (which we all knew), but that he is also an elitist dick. Yes, switching languages and writing systems in the middle of a poem is kind of cool and interesting, but continually making highbrow references that do not further the message or the content is not cool. I refuse to forgive him, even though he begs me to do so in one of his dying Cantos. It is cool, however, that his middle name is Loomis.
  • We have found an apartment! Off-street parking, gated pool, spacious everything, new floors and new plumbing, $380 a month for five people once Heather returns from Japan, and $475 until then--utilities included. I am so grown up.
  • I met my idol from musicals of the 1940's on Friday night, and she is still just as funny and talented as she was then. Oh, Betty Garrett, how I love thee.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

I'm the green fairy.

Birthday extravaganza took place on Monday, January 3, 2005. 2 chocolate rum cheese cakes, a chocolate cake and a giant Grand Avenue Apple (covered in chocolate, nuts and caramel) were consumed. Also consumed were many Accountants (preferred drink of the girls of 1307: 1 shot of vodka, 1 shot of peachtree schnapps and Martinelli's apple cider; etymology: Marty Schnapski, Your Accountant). Also consumed was an entire bottle of Absinthe. 2nd bottle apparently will never arrive. $60 dollars lost to lying business men. I'll live. But maybe they won't . . .

Good times had by all. The Best Friend and others came down from the Bay area to spend my birthday drunk with me. Best Friend is quoted as saying the following, "You know you've been at a good party when you find your phone the next morning inside the bagel box." His phone was indeed found inside the bagel box.

Cool New Aquisitions:
  • Pretty ink stain on my ankle, commonly called "tattoo." Purchased for me by the Best Friend.
  • Abstract painting of an Absinthe bottle, courtesy of Corey, made especially for the occasion.

Photos of me being cool and boho can be found here.