Saturday, September 25, 2004

In Solvang, no less . . .

Jen and I drove up to Solvang this afternoon in search of Danishes and other Danish things. Amid our hours of shopping for tasty foods and amazingly good deals on a variety of odd, non-Danish items (hats, great shoes, Victorian blouses, jewelry, Swedish flags), we decided to stop in at the Red Viking for a late lunch.

As we stood in front of the window of the Red Viking, glancing at the menu to see if vegetarianism was acceptable in Danish town, we noticed that the front of the restaurant was filled with bikers. I catch on to this fact as we move toward the door, and, rather loudly pronounce, "Oooh! Bikers!" I expected them to turn and glare and get all Hell's Angels on my ass, but they did no such thing. It was as if they didn't even hear me. In fact, the whole dining room was silent. Then we saw that between bites of food, every single one of the bikers was signing in ASL.

It was by far the strangest thing I have ever seen . . . an entire room of deaf bikers . . . and in Solvang, of all places.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Cassie-Cat picked this item up at a porn shop in San Diego. You can pretend to draw on him using your cursor. We leave him out in the living room so that the Company can enjoy more than just my moshi pillows and grappa. Posted by Hello

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Speak to me in a language that I can't quite understand.

Middle English is the fucking sexiest thing I have ever heard in my life. It would be very easy to seduce me by simply reading some Chaucer aloud to me--a Bedtime story, for certain.

Same Effect could be achieved through the recitation of racy passages from any D.H. Lawrence novel, but I would much prefer the Chaucer.

Again! Paul Bettany! Paul Bettany has a knack for playing roles involved with sexy, sexy authors. Naked Gambling Chaucer in A Knight's Tale and a lecherous immaginary English major with a penchant for girls who have a penchant for D.H. Lawrence in A Beautiful Mind. I should have a glossy of him as Chaucer plastered in my English 101 notebook, so I can imagine him reciting Canterbury Tales to me instead of my sweet, grandfatherly professor. This is not a Bad Idea.

I go to immerse myself in difficult and beautiful words.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Nikki's Birthday

On only 4 hours of sleep, I managed to put in one correct contact lense and one of a very old perscription from my emergency pair. (I discovered this later that evening when I noticed one contact was much more colorful than its counterpart.) Having this as a start to my day, the confusion of only being able to see adequately from one eye was amplified when, on the way to a job hunting session, my neurologist called to inform me that he decided to report me to the DMV because of my Medical Condition. I was very, very sad.
I napped later in the afternoon in an attempt to recover my lost sanity, knowing I would need to stock up on energy for Nikki Ferry's Birthday Bash that evening. Being exceptionally tired, I gave in to a double shot of espresso at dinner. This was not enough, and, at the party, I left after two beers to hunt down some more sweet succulent caffeine. Once the espresso shots were in my hand, I walked back to the party with my nose in the cup, breathing in that dark and bitter liquid. I downed it, then downed another beer. Gray and friends later arrived to witness Nikki's lady friends all grinding down on one another and making out on the dance floor. I taught them English drinking songs and the gaiety continued. We did at some point all dance to the Spice Girls.
As the party diminshed, Gray, friends and I went in search of smokables and returned to my place to smoke grape hookah on the sweet-ass patio that everyone and their mother adores.
And I'm afraid that falling out of bed will agrivate my Medical Condition.
Maybe I just like flirting with disaster.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Weekend 1

It's my first weekend back here and things are already crazy like a drunken Isla Vista fox.

Friday: I spent Friday here alone because I moved in early. I have the top bunk and was afraid of aggravating the Medical Condition by falling off and seizing into oblivion.

Saturday: I spent the day working the Move-In and meeting all kinds of people who live in and around my place. I actually moved in a couple friends by pure coincidence.
Slowly, the roommates arrived and our massive new digs began to fill up with stuff. Our living room was overflowing with furniture: 2 chairs, 2 end tables, a coffee table, 2 couches, the Fu, 2 fridges, a TV tray. We decided later in the day to aleviate the room congestion by locating our loveseat on the sweet-ass patio that we adore. So far, it has not been stolen. We hope it stays there forever and ever.
The evening brought bonding time with the new roomie, Cassie-Cat, who is John Waters era Ricki Lake cute and compact, and then the introduction of our crazy friends to Cassie-Cat. I think it went over well. We all shared the first sips of sweet Mela Verde grappa, forayed into the stronger Pesca and Fragolina . . . and then Nikki busted open the Inferno I bought her and it burned like death, but we were oh-so-grateful.

Sunday: Roommates and I went out shopping for Food Containers and other various Life Accessorizores. We utlized Miss Kitty to her full capacity (which is not a whole lot of capacity, I realize). We also spent entirely too much money on beautiful collections of paper that we will abuse over the course of the quarter and stole tasty cookies from the bookstore.
The evening brought more bonding time watching Se7en, using the deadly sins as an icebreaker. Same icebreaker was repeated when Jen's boy toy Max brought many friends to drink with us. Evening went well, with full utilization of our newfound Living Space. Freshmen Ryan had too much and so did my roommate, so Gray and I stayed up until 6 making sure these two were not dying.
I am so tired.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Summer Highlight Reel

1. Hairspray. So amazing. I will be Penny Pingleton, just you wait and see.

2. Teatro ZinZanni. Infreakingcredible! A circus, dinner theatre, bordello, cabaret, dance club and music hall all rolled in to one crazy-expensive show package. I got painted up and grew more and more enamored with the velvet-laden lounge as the evening went on. TZ was probably the most fun I've had with my family in a very long time.

3. Impromptu Big Bad Voodoo Daddy concert at the Marin County Fairgrounds on the eve of my European adventure. I am in love with Scotty Morris. One day, I will touch him.

4. Italy. The trip itself cannot be told in one lengthy sitting. The stories I have from there will emerge bit by bit, related in the American Pie "band camp" fashion. ("And this one time, in Europe . . .") Regardless, it was an awesome time. I hiked in the Alps for two weeks. I went drinking with kids from Holland, Algeria, Denmark, Finalnd, Norway, Britain, India, Turkey, and Wisconsin. I actually used my Italian. I perpetuated the stereotype that all Californians surf and have met at least one movie star. I subsisted on pasta and tiramisu for well over a month. I spent a good deal of time shopping in Milan. I wandered Venice alone for a day. I purchased fine writing instruments and coveted a leather-bound 1903 London edition of Shakespeare's Hamlet in a Venetian bookseller's window. I coveted numerous pairs of beautiful shoes in Milan. I went to Switzerland for their national festival. I followed Lord Byron's Italian trail as though I were John Trelani. I fed a marmot.

5. D.H. Lawrence. I ran out of books to read in Italy, so I borrowed a copy of Lawrence's The Woman Who Rode Away from my host family. D.H. is so incredibly sexy. I must have more D.H. Perhaps with more D.H. exposure, Paul Bettany will find me at an English department soiree and take me to one of his "cocktail" parties (a la my favorite quote from A Beautiful Mind).

6. I passed out in a hookah bar on the Haight. I suppose this is really more of a lowlight, but it was an interesting time and certainly important. Eric and this random EMT guy (who was conveniently sitting right next to us) carried me out. They said I had spasms and that my eyes were retreating into my head. Eric's friend Melissa called the paramedics. I spent 3 hours on a Friday night in the ER at Kaiser in San Francisco. I had blood tests, a CAT scan, an EKG that turned up nothing. A follow-up with my physicican lends my amazingly low blood pressure to be the culprit. Nevertheless, I will be spending a lot of first quarter visiting doctors in Ventura. I now have a Medical Condition. Point: me.