Friday, March 23, 2007

Which Way Secret Door

As we will not hear from the CW until April for hard and fast news of the fate of one Veronica Mars (although Drew has posted some speculations based on cast members other projects), TV Addict has created something for the meantime while the show is on hiatus. It's an imagined version of the hypothetical 4th season, crafted like one of those Which Way Secret Door Choose Your Own Adventure books I liked so much in 4th grade.

TV Addict has dubbed it "Veronica Mars: The FBI Files." I want an awesome crossover where VMars meets up with Mulder and Scully. I feel like she'd get along equally well with both of them. But not Doggett. Doggett is like The X-Files version of Sherrif Lamb, only not a "delightful" asshole.

My VMars/X-Files crossover does not appear to be an option in TV Addict's version. Boo.

Enjoy for yourself
until that awful Pussycat Dolls show is over.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Only slightly less famous than "Never go up against a Silicilian when death is on the line"

Occasionally, I uncover phrases that I have been wrongly making solicisms out of for years. It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that I realized the phrase was not "for all intensive purposes" but "for all intents and purposes." Both of these make sense, except for the fact that an "intensive purpose" seems like something much more dire than I was using it as for all those years.

Apparently, I've been wrong about the phrase "to welch on a bet" for some years, as well. This was brought to my attention this morning in an article forwarded to me by my coworker regarding my postmodernist gurus at McSweeney's publishing. The article, Dave Eggers Desperate to Welsh on Bad Bet, caught me by suprise.

To Welsh on a bet? Really? How dare someone insult McSweeney's with a misspelling in the headline of the article! They shall know my fury! But, apparently, one doesn't "welch" on bets, but rather "Welshes" on them, as in, acts like a Welshman.

Thus: Never gamble with a Welshman, which is certainly less famous than "Never get involved in a land war in Asia."

I did a little bit of poking about to discover the (clearly Brit-centric) origin of the phrase. Most sources point to a poem called "Taffy was a Welshman," wherein the line following that particular phrase is "Taffy was a theif." The parrallel structure of those to lines is clearly intended to construct an identity of the Welsh people as theives. The folks in the WordWizard clubhouse further discuss it here. The WordWizard folks do go a little off-topic into other discussions of racist terms related to the Welsh people, but no one seems to take into account the change between the English spelling and the American spelling, which is why most Americans (and certainly myself) think that our version of the word is spelled "welch" rather than "Welsh."

I would assume that the "ch" character is intended to represent a voiced affricate, and the "sh" character is inteded to represent a voiceless affricate. My guess is that, in the importation of the phrase from British to American soil, the voice affricate slowly became voiceless over time.

My other theory is to blame Noah Webster, and guess that he changed the spelling of the phrase as part of his quest to reguarlize American orthography and differentiate it from British speech, further dividing British English from American English. Which would explain why the hatred and mistrust of Welshmen just simply doesn't translate to American soil, and why I believe the majority of us both write and say "to welch on a bet," rather than blaming those bloody, no good Welshmen.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Demon puppets are out to get us all.

I am not the only victim.

Bert is apparently wreaking havoc throughout the world.

See? He's a wanted muppet.

Granted, he did not look nearly as threatening when he cornered me and my coworkers in our own building and terrorized us with balloons and songs about rubber duckies. But beware, my friends, there is documented evidence of his numerous debaucherous activities, including terrorism, rape and affiliations with the KKK.

Also, he is a dirty hippie.

The evidence is there.

Bert is Evil.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

For anyone who dares question my inner black girl:

Without African-Americans, English Would Just Sit There

Thug holding up cigarette: Sulfur?
Suit: Huh?
Thug: Fire?
Suit: What?
Thug: Burn?
Suit: I don't... Uh...
Thug: Spark?
Suit: Wha--?
Thug: Blaze?
Old black woman in nurse's uniform at next table: He wants to know if you have a match. Learn to speak English, nigga!

--Wendy's, Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

via Overheard in New York, Mar 6, 2007

That, my friends, is why I truly love African American Vernacular English.