Saturday, May 08, 2004

"Piss" Drunk.

Jen's Birthday: night filled with drunken revelry and songs late into the evening. People like to hear me sing when I'm drunk. I guess it sounds better or something. The really interesting story from last night, however, really happened this morning at about 5:25.

Jen and I wake up to light and the sound of urination. I peek one eye open and see some guy standing at the edge of Jen's bed. I do not process the sounds at all, but I assume he's just talking to Jen. My concern is why she invited someone over after our party, or if he had been here the whole time and I just never noticed. Then I realize he's peeing. He finishes, and walks to the middle of the room to put his pants on over his boxers. Jen evidently realizes who he is. She says, "Hank? What are you doing here?' He doesn't respond. "Hank, do you need us to take you downstairs?" He mumbles that he's fine and goes over to turn off the light by the door before he leaves. Thinking this is still too weird for words, I flip on my reading light. Just to make sure that he's gone and that I am not dreaming this. Hank walks over from the door, turns off my reading light, and leaves. I hear him trying doors down the hallway, looking for his room or the stairs or what have you. He obviously has no idea where he is.

So Jen and I sit in the room, desperately trying to process what the hell just happened. "Did he just piss on my chair?" Jen asks. "I think so." We inspect the damage. Chair, wet. Floor surrounding chair, large puddle. Splatter on the desk and certain nearby objects. Oh God. We take the chair outside. It is living in the hall forever. We decide to go downstairs to tell Merileigh, our RA. So we venture downward and wake her up at about 5:35. We tell her the story of what happened and she is almost more bewildered than we were. Jesus is awake, too, for some reason, so he volunteers to go and find Hank. We all search every bathroom and lounge looking for Hank, and we can't find him anywhere. Merileigh inspects the damage in our room. "Wow. How weird," she says. She tells us to put in a work request and she'll have Hank pay for the clean-up of the chair and floor. So I submit the work request, and everyone else goes back downstairs in search of Hank.

We find him at 6 am in his bed. Asleep. With no recollection of what happened. Merileigh explains his adventures this morning to him and we all go to sleep again.

At 11:30 this morning, Hank comes up to wake us again. He apologizes profusely, offers to pay for the damage, and is just as amazed at his actions as we were. Especially how he got to the 3rd floor in the first place. Forgiveness. No hard feelings.

In retrospect, Hank, this is a fucking awesome story. It's a little scary to wake up with someone you've barely spoken to in your room. It's weird when you wake up and they're peeing on your chair. But it's funny when they intentionally turn off all the lights before they leave.

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