The Rainbow Disconnection

I've actually been trying to post this video for weeks, but every time I try, YouTube rejects me. Thus, you have all been disconnected from the rainbow for far, far too long.

As you may already know, I am afraid of Muppets. And you should be, too. But you should also be sad for them, because the following video reveals the truly sad life they lead.

Behold what has become of Kermit in his music video cover of Nine Inch Nails "Hurt." (As I said, I'd post the video directly, but YouTube is being kind of a bitch right now, so this will have to do.)

What I love about it is that it is simultaneously hilarious and terribly sad. I laugh up until the point Kermit sings the line "everyone I know goes away in the end" and the camera cuts to a picture of Kermit and the late Jim Henson.

From this video, I learned that Kermit has a MySpace account (as Sad Kermit), as well as a few other covers available there, such as Radiohead's "Creep." In the insidious Muppet world on MySpace, we learn that Kermit is friends with Count Von Count (go figure), who is in turn friends with none other than my tormentor Bert!

Bert's profile provided me with a couple of interesting revelations:
1. Bert definitely describes himself as a gay male.
2. Bert culturally identifies himself as African American.

I find the second assumption interesting in light of my discovery of the official Sesame St. Sinterklaas story published in Dutch. Does Bert get to be Sinterklaas to deproblematize the highly racial children's tale? Or does he just secretly want to be with another Black Muppet? (Ernie, interestingly, does not list an ethnicity on his MySpace, but claims he likes Latino men.)

All I know if that if either Bert or Ernie ever get tired of each other, they can always catch a little side action with Rolf.

Demon puppets are out to get us all.

I am not the only victim.

Bert is apparently wreaking havoc throughout the world.


See? He's a wanted muppet.

Granted, he did not look nearly as threatening when he cornered me and my coworkers in our own building and terrorized us with balloons and songs about rubber duckies. But beware, my friends, there is documented evidence of his numerous debaucherous activities, including terrorism, rape and affiliations with the KKK.

Also, he is a dirty hippie.

The evidence is there.

Bert is Evil.