Demon puppets are out to get us all.

I am not the only victim.

Bert is apparently wreaking havoc throughout the world.


See? He's a wanted muppet.

Granted, he did not look nearly as threatening when he cornered me and my coworkers in our own building and terrorized us with balloons and songs about rubber duckies. But beware, my friends, there is documented evidence of his numerous debaucherous activities, including terrorism, rape and affiliations with the KKK.

Also, he is a dirty hippie.

The evidence is there.

Bert is Evil.