Three nights in a yellow spandex track suit.

A list-form version of Halloween Weekend, Isla Vista 2004.

• Number of complete Deadly Viper Assasination Squads on Del Playa: None, because no one in their right mind wants to be Vernita Green.
• Number of mostly complete Deadly Viper Assasination Squads on Del Playa: One, and that award goes to my friends and I for having not only Beatrix Kiddo and Elle Driver, but also O-Ren Ishii.
• Number of other girls dressed as The Bride: 2 or 3, depending on who you ask. I saw two, and I was much cooler than they were because I was not only wearing yellow spandex, but wearing it with an Uma Thurman-esque attitude. (The 3rd Bride that wasn't me I heard about on Monday, and apparently she rivaled my coolness.)
• Number of other Elle Drivers: 4.
• Number of Slutty Nurses who couldn't distinguish Elle Drivers such as Jen from their band of Naughtiness: infinite.
• Number of other O-Ren Ishiis: None.

My Top 3 Most Creative Costumes:

1. Scantron. The guy who made this costume actually enlarged a Scantron form (the small green one, with 50 questions on each side) and wore it. He ran around Del Playa interrogating all revelers as to which type of writing instuments they were: #2 pencils or ballpoint pens. He refused to associate with ballpoint pens.
2. Storke Tower. The guy who wore this replica of the lovely phallic monument in the middle of our campus was so attentive to detail that he even included a blinking red fog-warning light at the top (which Storke Tower has to keep the airplanes from crashing into it . . . should they stray 2 miles off course and land on campus instead of at the airport). I was at a dance party with this guy on Sunday night, and was frankly quite amazed at the amound of mobility he had given himself in his boxy tower prison. He was able to see out of the medieval-style arrow slots that Storke Tower has at the very top of its bell-sounding structure.
3. An iPod. The most amazing thing about the iPod was that it was actually playing music.

Honorable Mentions:

• Tetris blocks that stopped every few blocks to assemble themselves in interesting formations before disappearing into the crowd on DP.
• Ron Burgandy from Anchorman, because I only saw one of him and this guy looked exactly like Will Ferrell.
• My friend Frankie as Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction because, unlike all other Mia Wallaces I saw (3), Frankie not only had a nosebleed from her overdose, but also a huge syringe sticking out of her chest. Naturally, we took a picture together.
• Jersey Dan as Leftovers, because he was wearing only Saran Wrap and little brown shorts.
• Victoria's Secret Angels, because the skimpy underwear they were wearing was indeed from the Victoria's Secret Angels collection.
• Red Sox. Yes, two guys were literally dressed as giant red socks.
• Oakland A's pitcher Mark Mulder!!!! (I all kinds of hugged this guy and thanked him for recognizing an A-1 picther from an A-1 pitching staff . . . I considered asking why he didn't dress as former UCSB-undergrad A's pitcher Barry Zito, but didn't because I think the hug and Oaktown pride freaked him out enough.)

Costumes I Saw Way Too Many Of:

• Napolean Dynamite. The only good Napolean was my friend Eric Sheslow, because he looks just like him and talked just like him. And everyone knew he was the best Napolean of them all.
• Slutty Nurse/Cop/Firefighter/Construction Worker/Etc. Basically, any girl who dressed as an indecent version of someone in a service position.
• Slutty versions of anything else normal and/or mythical.
• Johnny "Wildman" Damon of the Boston Red Sox. I saw 3 or 4 of them, and that is far too many of Mr. Damon in his current state. I actually went up to one of them and told him he was much cuter when he played for the Oakland A's. The guy dressed as Johnny Damon evidently didn't know that Damon once played for Oakland and blinked at me a little bit before saying, "Boston's cute too . . ." in a very confused tone.
• Alex and Droogs from A Clockwork Orange. I liked them all and complimented them, but lets just saw that none of them looked as cool as I did at work on Saturday when I dressed as Alex.
• Edward Scissorhands, after Peg Boggs dresses him in normal people clothes. I was completely impressed with how everyone made their own scissorhands, but was more impressed with Derek's friend Mike's version of Edward in his original bondage suit, because the bondage suit with scissorhands takes a whole lot more effort than trousers-shirt-suspenders Edward. Every Edward was in character, though, so they get extra points for that--even if not for the costume.
• Crazy 88's, but its okay, because I killed them all on Saturday and then there were only about 5 left for me to kill on Sunday night. One group of 88's I met on Saturday night actually had a video camera, and we filmed a version of that famous bloody brawl. It was fun. Scene with said group ends with me screaming, "Leave the limbs you've lost, because they belong to me now" and walking away with my friends.

Favorite Things Yelled at Me from the Balconies and Streets of Del Playa Drive:

• "Beatrix Kiddo!"
• "Uma!"
• "Watch out, boys, here comes The Bride."
• "Check it out, it's the girls from Kill Bill!"
• "Kill Bill! I fucking love that movie!"

Least Favorite Things Yelled at Me from the Balconies and Streets of Del Playa Drive:

• "Hey, baby, you wanna slice me up?"
• "Is Bill dead?"

I think really that my favorite thing about Halloween here is the celebrity that comes with having a good costume, when, for a weekend, you actually become associated with the movie character you're dressing as. Sheslow was Napolean Dynamite, and everyone recognized this fact with phrases similar to what was yelled at me. Likewise, you get congratulated for having good taste by all the same people. It's this intense roll playing game that lasts for days, and it is incredibly fun.

You also never know who you'll run into on Halloween in IV. I ran into Dan Shad from DLS in the Pita Pit at 3 am on Sunday/Monday. Also ran into the freshmen girl I have a crush on and complimented her on her lame bumblebee outfit (because now I know she isn't as hardcore as she wants everyone to think). Also ran into Jenrikay, who I haven't seen this year at all. Ran into Captain Max and the boys from FT. Saw Grayson in passing. Spent most of my evenings relatively buzzed--at least enough to keep warm--and had an amazing time with my friends.

For your consideration: a group of about 12 drunk Isla Vistans in a living room on Halloween, all sining Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the tops of their little bitty lungs. So much fun. It was an amazing moment of spontaneous bonding--and that shit needs to happen all the time.

Tequila tastes like vomit. Vanilla vodka in fruit juice tastes like candy. And next year, I will be Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy.