I'll give you the shirt off my back.

At the costume shop, we are strongly encouraged to dress up for work. By dress up, I mean in pseudo-costume, usually a mix of your own stuff and stuff at the store.
Yesterday, I came in wearing my white Dickie's capri's with crazy black zipper pockets, my Converse All-Stars (appropriately ratty), a studded belt, and my essential black v-neck. I then became an 80's rocker with the addition of a pink and black wig from work and an amazing black and white leather driver's cap.
Today, I came in my aqua 50's waitress dress (that I acquired in Europe for 6 Euros), my ripped Rocky Horror fishnets, a little black cardigan, and my ever-so-ratty Converse. I added a tacky pink apron with little flowers, a white neckerchief, and these terribly guady gold cat-eye glasses with little gold flowers around the corner of each eye. 3 girls said they wanted to look like me for Halloween. And to the last one, I literally rented the dress off my back. My boss said that if I was willing to rent my dress, she would go half with me on the rental price. So for five minutes I wore one of the kimonos in shop (with the gold glasses and the neckerchief) while the customer tried on my dress. So my waitress dress (with the name "Chrystle" embroidered over the left breast) was rented out today for $24. I'm cleaning it, and bringing it with me to work on Thursday. This dress has already paid for itself twice over--and I've only worn the thing once!

Possible work-costume ideas for the Halloween weekend:
Thursday/Friday: Pink Ladies
Saturday: Alex from A Clockwork Orange (just so the white zipper Dickies can make another appearance)
Sunday: The Bride (providing the bastards at Miramax actually get my costume to me by Friday!)

Throats should not be cultured.

Diesease is both a blessing and a curse.

I woke up this morning and the sore throat I've had since Tuesday had culminated in a particularly awful way. I couldn't swallow. I could barely talk. It was pretty bad. I haven't been in class today. I missed English this morning to go to Student Health and get various throat cultures done. The good news is I don't have Strep. The bad news is my throat still hurts rather unbearably.

More bad news: I can't go to work today, which means less money. Nomada cut my shift into half tomorrow, which also means less money.

More good news: No work today means I have more time to sit wrapped in blankets in front of my computer to write my English paper. I have also been given Vicoden for the pain. Thank fucking gods.

So, while daily living activites like drinking, eating and breathing are a task, I have marvelous painkillers!

All of this works out in the end. Somehow.

Straight to your thighs.

For those with no cafe etiquette, let it be known that they shall get What is Coming to Them.

Some girl today, who was behind me in the pay line at Nicoletti's, went up and nabbed my Double White Mocha, when, clearly, it was mine. Had she waited the two drinks later for her own fucking drink she would have gotten her precious Double White Non-Fat Mocha. Non-fucking-Fat. Non-motherfucking-Fat. Girl Who Stole My Drink obviously doesn't drink coffee enough to know that baristas will always call out the entire order so as to avoid drink stealing by ignorant bitches like herself.

Let us just say that as I sit here with her Double White Non-fucking-Fat Mocha, I have the satisfaction of knowing that coffee karma is already biting her in her fat ass. (While said ass was not overly fat, I can only assume that she thinks it is, otherwise why muck up such a marvelous drink with non-fat milk?) My coffee may be slightly shittier than the one I ordered, but at least her misdeeds are keeping my ass as virtually non-existent as it has always been, and her drink-stealing ass will only continue to expand until she leans some fucking etiquette.

This is Karma. And it is Good.

Produce is money, and I don't have a job.

The fabled Department job is not happening. Susan has chosen--inevitably--some senior with a lot more time on his/her hands than myself. I was forced to look off campus, as my only on-campus option was stolen from me.

Luckily, after job hunting with Heather yesterday, I received a call only an hour ago from Victorian Vogue, the wicked-cool costume shop downtown. I have a job for at least three weeks! This is awesome because a) I have always fancied myself working in a costume shop and b) I seriously need some cash.

Other applications submitted: Borders, Hollywood Video
Other applications to be submitted: Barnes & Noble, Metropolitan Theatres
Applications unavailable to me: Ruby's Diner, which I will take as a sign that I am only meant to admire their candy-striped uniforms and never to wear one myself.

Checking for color and clarity.

Last night, we all went to see a special advanced screening of Alexander Payne's newest film, Sideways, with Paul Giamatti and Thomas Hayden Church. The film was totally amazing, shot locally in the Santa Ynez Valley, was worked on by many UCSB grads (including Lacey Rae nee' Palowitz, whom I went to high school with, as a two-line waitress). Because the film takes place in Santa Barbara's wine country and features wine as a metaphor for life and grapes as a metaphor for people, we all decided to spend our evening in drinking very cheap wine.

We tossed in a couple of dollars a piece in the hopes of getting an abundance of Trader Joe's Two-Buck Chuck and sent Jen and her homies from LA to acquire it. They returned with 5 bottles of Albertson's finest cheap wines: a Gallo white Merlot, 2 bottles of some unidentifiable Zinfandel (not quite red, not quite white), a bottle of Gallo White Zinfandel, and a bottle of Sutter Home Pinot Noir. So, following Paul Giamatti's wine-tasting rules from Sideways, we started with the Merlot. ("If anyone orders a Merlot, I am leaving.") We checked it for bouquet, color and clarity (which was difficult in our 4-for-a-dollar IKEA tumblers) and drank up. We moved on to the unidentifiable Zinfandel, which was strangely carbonated and raspberry-flavored. Then the Gallo White Zin, which was decent and probably the most wine like beverage of the 3. Finally, we finished off our evening with the bottle of Pinot Noir, Paul Giamatti's personal favorite in Sideways, the ultimate metaphor for his character . . . and that shit was probably the most disappointing Pinot I've ever had in my life.

After 5 bottles of wine, plus some beer and vodka supplied by Nikki, we all were terribly amused with the various 80's mixes that Heather had cued up for the remainder of the evening. At one point, Heather and Melissa were performing an entire Queen album (with help from Richie and myself on "Bohemian Rhapsody"). I did "Tainted Love." Heather belted "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Our tendencies toward drunken singing are vindication against our upstairs neighbors, who, we think, are either harboring large animals in their room or are practicing to go on Trading Spaces, but only between the hours of 11 pm and 11 am.

All in all a lovely evening. I fear for the photographic evidence.

I knew when I got my skateboard back that this relationship was probably over.

Grayson is very bad with answering and returning phone calls in a timely manner. Should I take this as a sign?

Alyssa Milano also loves A's pitcher "Curvalicious" Barry Zito! (And so should you.) 

Alyssa Milano loves the Oakland A's!  

Nice Houses in the Ghetto

I went to a USC party on Friday night at Kate's house. USC parties are so much more civilized than SB parties . . . they also have less alcohol . . . and no one knows how to set up the tap on a keg. Leave it to a UCSB girl to set up both kegs and fix the pumps at several points during the evening. Sigh. USC kids are too good for cheap beer. Kate tells me that they usually just get drunk off of really expensive booze. I want expensive booze! And property that's worth what I pay for it! And good land lords! And houses that aren't falling into the ocean!

But at the same time, I think I'll take my cheap beer and shitty property and just know that every party I go to will always be a totally good one where I don't have to worry about breaking shit or spilling booze on someone's very nice carpet. I heart Isla Vista. I heart it so much.

USC party also managed to convince me that I am far behing the times in getting onto Facebook. As usual, my circle is not on this marvel of internet communication because they are not those kind of ladies. I must expand.